His Plimsoll Line

Pam Farrel, a relationship specialist with her husband Bill, often uses examples to help couples understand how to better love each other. In this early Valentine’s Day Marriage UPGRADE, she begins with a short history lesson.

“In the late 1800s,” Pam said, “Samuel Plimsoll discovered that nearly 1,000 sailors a year were being drowned on ships around British shores because ships were being overloaded.”

What’s that got to do with love? Stay tuned. I (Dawn) think Pam’s example is excellent!

Pam continues . . .

Plimsoll headed up a campaign to require that vessels bear a load line indicating when they were overloaded. The Plimsoll line is a mark located on a ship’s hull that indicates the maximum depth to which the vessel may be safely immersed when loaded with cargo.  

Your husband has a “Plimsoll line.” Load him up too much and his life or health or your relationship will sink.

You are the dock guard checking his “waterline” to keep him free from overwork, over commitment and over-the-top stressors.

One of my favorite verses of the Bible is a tiny phrase Boaz says to Ruth—a woman he is interested in romantically. Boaz said, “. . . all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence.”

This word “excellence” can be translated virtue, valor and valiant, and it’s the same word used of David’s mighty soldiers.

You are a warrior wife! God has called you to be a defender of your husband, your marriage and your family. 

There are three ways you can be a Warrior Wife:

1. Upgrade Your Attitude

How well do you know your husband’s stress? Is he carrying stress about his work (or lack of it), the kids, your finances, his health, your health, the church, the headlines and plight of evil in our society, those under his leadership, the community, the extended family, or a country or mission God has laid on his heart?

Colossians 3:12 encourages us to care:  “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

2. Upgrade Your Understanding

To build empathy, often we need a better understanding of how our husband might process the stress of life.

In Men are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, we layer on God’s foundational truth of Genesis 1:27—God made us male and female—and share that biology explains that men and women process stress differently.

We women talk our way through stress. When I am stressed my sister knows it, my mom knows it, my best friend knows it—the clerk at the grocery store will know it!

Men on the other hand, when they are stressed, the go to their favorite easy box to rest and recharge. But God helped us girls out so we can recognize these recharger boxes, most are actually shaped like boxes (like on a waffle): the TV, the garage, the football field, baseball diamond, basketball court, tennis court, pool table, soccer goal, the computer, the refrigerator and the bed!

In fact the bed box, that intimacy box is a favorite box for men to go to when they are all stressed out. It is kind of like the free square in the middle of a BINGO card—they can get there from every square on their waffle! 

3. Upgrade Your Creativity

Since Bill and I started teaching this, we developed a new code word for expressing our desire for intimacy. One of us might ask, “Want to play some Bingo?” (Just seeing a BINGO card in his brief case or on his desk lowers Bill’s stress!)

So, where does your man like to go when he is stressed:  Fishing, hunting, for a run, TV or a movie, sports, a hobby, the garage, surfing, boating? Some choices are healthier for managing stress than others. If you offer to schedule some R and R with some physical activity he enjoys, it might keep him away from the burger and fries—or another unhealthy habit that could put him in an early grave.

Ask him about his favorite pursuits, then schedule a visit to his “favorite boxes.”

Resources can help us focus. In Red-Hot Romance Tips for Wives, there are 26 traits to help you become a more loving wife, including this “virtuous” warrior for my man attitude.

Or join the Red Hot Wives Challenge. I will send you a daily inspiration for 26 days to arm you with more romantic ideas and ways to help when your man’s load is approaching the dangerous Plimsoll level. (See resource links at the end of this post.)

God is aware the life of a leader is stressful; and if we pray, God will give each of us the discernment we need to give the encouragement our man needs. 

Take a few minutes to think about the stresses your husband may be facing today. Is there anything you can do to lower his Plimsoll level?

Couple-Building Resources:

• Book – Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti
• Book – Red-Hot Romance Tips for Wives
• Challenge – Red Hot Wives Challenge.

Pam Farrel and her husband Bill are relationship experts, international speakers and authors of more than 40 books including Red Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle; The Secret Language of Successful Couples; and Red Hot Romantic Tips for Women.” Visit their website, Love-Wise, for more information and resources, or Pam’s blog.