Giving Up on Fairy Tales

There’s so much to learn at Mary Carver‘s “Giving Up on Perfect” blog; but when I read about her approach to “fairy tale living,” I knew she had to share an UPGRADE post with us.

“I fall into bed, exhausted, desperately wishing for more than two consecutive hours of rest,” Mary says. “I drift off to sleep and a dreamland full of candlelit dinners, book deals, size 10 jeans and a wide porch with a mountain view. But too soon, I’m awake again.”

I (Dawn) have had fairy tale dreams like that too! Only I dream of a cruise to Tahiti, a mansion on a hilltop, and the world’s biggest chocolate brownie. (Oh yeah, in my dream, I shot my bathroom scale too.)

Mary continues …

The baby is crying and demanding to be fed Right This Very Instant! I stumble into her room, shooing away longing for just a few more minutes of sleep. I look at my baby girl, smiling up from her changing table and so very happy to get attention in the middle of the night, and I imagine myself rocking her gently back to sleep and feeling only gratitude for these moments that—as they tell me—won’t last forever.

(They won’t last forever, right? RIGHT?)

My imagination might conjure up a peaceful Mom of the Year who treasures the opportunity to play another round of Go Fish, watch another episode of “Dora” and see three o’clock twice a day, but the reality is something quite different.

No matter what the fantasy (romantic dates, a gorgeous house, an effortless and uber-successful career, flawless parenting), it’s always unattainable. In fact, God says those who chase fantasies have no sense! (Proverbs 12:11b)

I always come up short—my LIFE always comes up short—when next to Fairy Tale Me.

Fairy Tale Me is calm and disciplined, creative and thoughtful. She never misses a deadline, forgets a birthday, ignores dirty dishes or yells at her children. And those things she bookmarks on Pinterest? She actually DOES them!

I can’t hate her for that, though, because she’s also funny and honest and friendly. She likes cool music and knows how to fix her hair, but she’s never snobby or shallow. Fairy Tale Me is AWESOME.

And, of course you know this, she’s also not real.

It’s foolish to spend my time and energy wishing to be someone other than who I am, and spending precious minutes imagining just how great it would feel to be that woman. But after a lifetime of writing fairy tales for my life—and believing that someday they might just come true—it’s hard to break the “once upon a time” habit.

Unfortunately, believing in fairy tales means comparing my real life to my dream life, expecting other people, other places, other situations to meet all my fantasies, and being disappointed by reality because it just doesn’t live up to the imaginary.

Maybe you’ve done those things, too?

Maybe you’ve been let down one too many times, tricked into thinking your wished-for life and made-up self is worth sacrificing the story God has written for you (Psalm 139:14; Philippians 1:6)? If so, you’re not alone. Let’s tackle these fairy tales together.

I’m confident that when we stare reality in the eye, hold it up to the Light and let go of a few childish dreams, we’ll be surprised and relieved to see that this life … this REAL LIFE … is better than we ever could have imagined, better than any fairy tale could have written, better than we ever dreamed.

I’ll go first.

• My house is tiny, but that means I can last-minute clean in less than an hour.
• I lose my patience and yell at my daughter more than I care to admit, but I let her smear my eyeshadow all over my face in her idea of a makeover.
• And I kind of hate craft projects (no matter what I file away on Pinterest), but sometimes I throw a great baby shower or make delicious cupcakes. 

Now it’s your turn. Give your fairy tales a rest for a moment and tell us about the beauty of your real life! What fairy tales can you release so you can embrace the wonderful real life God has prepared for you?

Mary Carver is a writer, church planter, wife and mom. She’s also a recovering perfectionist who loves Jesus, her family and books, watches too much TV, and believes M&Ms are a love language. Mary writes about her imperfect life with humor and honesty, encouraging women to give up on perfect and get on with life at her positive, practical blog.