Is Your ‘Valentine-Love’ Maturing?

Joan Webb, a recovering workaholic and perfectionist, continually communicates a message of freedom and renewal. In this special Valentine UPGRADE, she shares one way to bring freedom to our relationships.

“Ahhh. It’s LOVE week,” Joan says. “All is well. Or is it?

In my 40 years of marriage, I (Dawn) discovered healthy relationships require both SPACE and GRACE!

We learn to practice the one anothers of scripture—like “Be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving toward one another” Ephesians 4:32)—and we give our partner room to grow.

Joan continues …

If you’re like some lovers, you may sense that one or both of you are trying too hard to control how the other one expresses love. Instead of increasing intimacy, it pushes you apart.

So what’s up?

Okay, no one is perfectly loving 24/7. Yet, you can grow in your Valentine-Relationship when you both commit to developing these God-honoring characteristics:

1. Allow for individuality.

Differing talents or temperaments do not threaten true love. Feelings and thoughts can be expressed without fear.

2. Avoid trying to change the other.

We may not like everything about our partner, yet when we consider the total picture we are able to be more accepting.

3. Care with detachment.

Healthy love cares, listens, and responds; yet does not try to fix or remove the uncomfortable feelings of the lover.

4. Affirm equality of self and partner.

A mature relationship treats the partners as equals. There is no sense of competition or one-upmanship.

When you practice mature love, you accept what the other person is able or willing to give.

You allow each other space to grow and develop. 

Perhaps you could pray this prayer: 

“Lord, teach me to love authentically…with joy and fun. I don’t wish to make inappropriate demands—and force my own way. Help me to be honest about what I want. And also listen to understand my mate’s needs and desires. You had a good idea when You created romantic love. Thank you.”

Although no one is perfect, which one of the four points could use some work in your own relationship?

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Intentional Woman (co-authored with Carol Travilla), The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right and a four book devotional series for children. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about becoming an intentional woman, visit Joan’s website. 

Graphic Adapted: Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net