Keep Your Marriage Full When Your Nest Is Empty

Elaine Miller encourages married women to consider the things they can do to improve their relationship with their spouse. This is especially important when the nest is empty, as we see in this Marriage UPGRADE.

“Marriage seems to take a backseat during the child-rearing years,” Elaine says.

I (Dawn) know this is true, even when we were cautioned in the early years of marriage to keep our spouse priority number one after our relationship with the Lord. Sometimes, we don’t wake up until after the children have left home.

Elaine continues . . .

I remember taking my oldest to college. Sobbing, in the fetal position, I was sure our sweet sunshine had left our home forever.  

Our 12-year-old, trying to soothe his distraught mother, announced, “That’s it! I’m never going to college! I will live with you forever!”

Well, he did go to college, and this time I wept in the bathtub wondering where the time had gone.

Never did I wonder how my husband felt watching his wife’s world fall apart, because now all I had was him.

With the arrival of the empty nest—it’s time to upgrade your marriage. 

No doubt the empty nest is a time of transition in marriage. Here are some tips (and some winks from God) to help you transition well.

1. Rejoice!

Honeymoon! The day your littlest walks out the door, grab your honey’s hand and you walk out too. Don’t stay home and grieve.

Go away with your spouse and celebrate your new life as a twosome. Pick a romantic spot. Perhaps revisit your honeymoon destination. Or choose a place on your bucket list. Just go away and enjoy each other and your new life together.  

It won’t be long before your empty-nest heartache is healed and you are thinking Well, this isn’t so bad, after all!

“Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages” (Song of Songs 7:11).

2. Recreate!

Find a common activity to enjoy with your spouse.

My Dan was over-the-top thrilled with his 50th birthday present to me. “Wait until you see it! Oh, you’ll be so excited!” He couldn’t miss my not-so-thrilled surprise when I opened the huge wrapped package and found, not diamonds, not a cruise, but golf clubs.

Dan loved to golf and wished to share this activity with me. Oh, the hours of fun we’ve enjoyed together in the quietness and beauty of the golf course.

“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

3. Romance!

Reconnect as a couple again. Plan romantic dinners. Laugh! Make love!

“Kiss me and kiss me again…” (Song of Songs 1:2).

4. Redecorate!

Prepare your bedroom as your love sanctuary. The children are gone. The house belongs to you. Wow! You can even leave the door open.

Turn the music up! Go wild with candles! Decorate your bed with Christmas lights! Use your imagination and redecorate your bedroom.

Forget the bedroom! You have the whole house to yourself!

Enjoy your newfound freedom for uninterrupted intimacy.

“. . . may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love” (Proverbs 5:19).

My prayer as a wife has always been:

“…Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment” (Song of Solomon 8:10 NIV).

Ha! Well, with the nest empty, we have time to actually make that happen.

What steps can you take to keep your marriage full when your nest is empty?

Elaine W. Miller is an international author and speaker known for sharing biblical insights with warmth, enthusiasm, and humor. She is the author of three books including her latest We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can (available in English, Spanish, and Bosnian). Residing in upstate  New York with her husband of 45 years, she enjoys having three married children and 11 grandchildren close by. Check out Elaine’s website and blog.